If this is Goodbye

(This blog is not my usual writing but my tribute to legendary singers Mark Knopfler and Emmy Lou Harris. And sorry readers, if you don’t like soulful music, and the silent messages it gives then please pass this post)

Sooner or later we are all called to say goodbye…for the last time. When the day arrives, whether it is your own end-of-life or that of a loved one, we often don’t know  what to say.

The Great Nostradamus had said “Tomorrow, at sunrise, I shall no longer be here.” and he was right.

Richard Feynman,  the physicist, musician and professor died in Los Angeles in 1988. His last words were “this dying is boring”, so characteristic of his personality.

Actor Michael Landon, best known for Little House on the Prairie and Highway to Heaven, died of cancer in 1991. His family gathered around his bed, and his son said it was time to move on. Landon said, “You’re right. It’s time. I love you all.”

According to Steve Jobs’s sister Mona, the Apple founder’s last words were, “Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.” . Was Steve in conversation with God then?

Albert Einstein had said “I am at the mercy of fate and have no control over it”. These words were perhaps as profound as his contribution to quantum physics.

Winston Churchill former prime  minister of UK who led Britain to victory in the Second World War said, “I’m bored with it all”. So typical of Sir Churchill.

According to Pulitzer Prize-winning author and oncologist Siddhartha Mukherjee, everyone’s life is different — yet most people utter one of four common phrases on their deathbeds,

The phrases are:

• I want to tell you that I love you.
• I want to tell you that I forgive you.
• Would you tell me that you love me?
• Would you give me your forgiveness?

People who know they are dying often express some variation of one of those four themes — indicating that they waited until it was late to show their appreciation for others or write off their interpersonal wrongs.

When you are next to someone who is closer to death, one of the most important things you can say gives them permission to die. Parents and spouses especially need to hear this if they have spent a lifetime loving, caring and guiding you.  “I understand, you can go now. We will be all right. Thank you…”

Sometimes people say, “We don’t do goodbyes, we will see you later.” That counts, as long as you all really know what you are saying, and you’re not skirting around an important message. Goodbye has the etiology of meaning, “God be with you,” so saying goodbye is bestowing a blessing. And for a person whose faith tradition anticipates seeing one another again after a parting or after a death, “see you later” rings true.

Sometimes the most touching gesture you can offer are no words at all—just being there, a hug, holding a hand, rubbing a shoulder, crying.

Saying goodbye is an important signal to your loved ones and recognizes an ending point in your journey together. It also signifies we can say goodbye and still be all right. We are now at the fork in the road, and it’s OK to travel separately because we’ve each had the pleasure of traveling together for a time that mattered. It’s a way of saying, “Thank you, I’ll be OK, and you’ll be OK.” Your words may be an essential gift of peace to someone who is worrying if you can handle their leaving.

There are circumstances when you say Goodbye when you see no option to live. A San Francisco husband slept through his wife’s call from the World Trade Centre. The tower was burning around her, and she was speaking on her mobile phone. She left her last message to him on the answering machine. All listening to the TV station heard her tell him through her sobbing that there was no escape for her. The building was on fire and there was no way down the stairs. She was calling to say goodbye. There was really only one thing for her to say, those three words “I love you”. She said this over and again before the line went dead.

“If This Is Goodbye” is Mark Knopfler’s tribute to the victims of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 who faced similar circumstances. This ballad shows the triumph of love over barbarism. This song was written in 2006 and has words so simple and touching the hearts.

Do watch the video where Mark Knopfler sings along with Emmylou Harris. Close your eyes and hear every word. It’s just breathtakingly beautiful song –  such a plaintive sound, sublimely performed by the duo. I never realized, until very recently, how stunningly beautiful Emmy Lou’s voice is, and together with Mark’s vocals and guitar, the song sounds like something straight out of heaven. I think this song has NO age. Must be the most soulful song I have ever heard.

Here is the lyrics

My famous last words
Are laying around in tatters
Sounding absurd
Whatever I try

But I love you
And that’s all what really matters
If this is goodbye
If this is goodbye

Your bright shining sun
Would light up the way before me
You were the one
Made me feel I could fly

And I love you
Whatever is waiting for me
If this is goodbye
If this is goodbye

Who knows how long we’ve got
Or what we’re made of
Who knows if there’s a plan or not
There is our love
I know there is our love

My famous last words
Could never tell the story
Spinning unheard
In the dark of the sky

But I love you
And this is our glory
If this is goodbye
If this is goodbye

I wrote this blog today after walking around the Lincoln Park in Washington DC. I sat on the bench alone, under a tree, listening Mark and Emmy Lou’s song many times, and remembered all my friends who have passed away ahead of me. I also recalled the difficult occasions when I had to say Goodbye sitting next to some of them.

The song made me think about the last inevitable moments in life and the importance of saying the three simple words “I love you”, ending with a “Thank you”. Even if you cannot speak these words at that moment, may be your eyes should and will – especially when you begin conversations with someone out there about your next journey.

Thank you Mark and Emmy Lou. God bless you and your music.